reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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