You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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