Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
