Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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