you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
