Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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