Swine flu. Run for my life!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
