I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
