I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
