You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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