I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
