why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
