Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just high enough for therapy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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