I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
