And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
