i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
