we made out on top of his cat.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
