So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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