Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
