so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
