I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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