I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
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BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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