I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
