Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize