I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Someone signed my nipple.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
