I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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