Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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