Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
