morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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