standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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