Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize