I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
