She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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