Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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