just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
