Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize