Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
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He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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