Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
