Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
