how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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