i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
