is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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