I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
