At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
