Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We're too hungover to prance.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
