I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
