He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
