A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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