i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
