For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
