i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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