i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
