??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i love accidental penises.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
