So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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