I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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