I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
