Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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