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just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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