I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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