Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love you. Go after that dick
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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