we're blogging at a bar
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
