If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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